Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
