so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
