He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
