Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
false alarm, still single
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
