ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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