meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
jump out the window naked night went bad
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
