sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
