please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
only if we run a train.
done.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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