It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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