I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
