I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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