I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
