One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
