Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
