Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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