omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
