I've blown a few things in my day
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
