so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
