the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You are a genius and a whore.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
