I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
