CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
