it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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