Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
