You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
