all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
