Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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