i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
