Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
