see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
