Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
