i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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