he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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