I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he shaved USA in his pubs
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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