Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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