Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
