I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
