FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
