We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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