"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
