he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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