He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
