I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
