I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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