when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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