She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
