ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
