i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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