is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
