Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
