the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
