I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
