everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
