I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
