i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
